And Now, A Word From Gracie

So Mommy's blogfriend Colleen tagged her for a "6 Quirky Things About Me" Meme. Well, Mommy wasn't feeling very inspired to find 6 things about herself that were quirky. She doesn't consider purposefully beating butt-pivoters with her purse, writing her blog from her dog's point of view, or talking back to Greeny and Golic on the tv "quirky" traits - definitely crazy tendencies, but not "quirky" traits.

In fact, most days I think Mommy wonders how soon she's going to be out in the middle of the road directing traffic in her nightgown with her bra on her head - to borrow a turn of phrase from Mommy's favorite successful former-hot mess Aunt Purl. I hope it is not soon, as I need to be fed and - while I love my Daddy and Uncle Ed to death - they're not so good at those "constant care" things.

Mommy didn't want to disappoint her nice blogfriend, who she told me she'd like to meet for coffee someday and interview for this blog (HINT HINT), so Mommy asked me to share 6 Quirky Things About Me instead. Ok.

1. You know how crackheads twitch uncontrollably when they're jonesing for a high? Well, that's how I act when my Daddy gives me peanut butter. I love peanut butter, and would eat it for every meal if I could (and probably would, if Mommy wasn't around to make sure I got fed real food), but when my Daddy puts it in my Kong, or offers it to me on his finger, I go nuts. I hop around, twitch, slam my paws on the ground, and generally act like a retarded spaz for about five minutes before I'll finally take it. Usually Daddy has to lay the Kong down for me to calm down enough to start licking it out.

2. I may be a tiny little Boston Terrier, but I am a world class swimmer. In fact, I swim laps around all those lab bitches at the beach, and send their mommies into tizzies. They come shrieking up to my Uncle Ed or my daddy - "Oh my gosh! She's going to drown! Oh oh oh!". To which they usually reply "uh, no, she's fine" and look at these women like they're the retarded spaz. Besides, even if I was having trouble, nobody is going to let me drown. I'm sure even my Grandma Jan would have waded into the water at Montrose Beach last summer if I had needed help. But yeah, I'm an excellent little swimmer. Uncle Ed tells me I look like a wet rat. Thanks, Uncle Ed.

3. I really enjoy being the troublemaker at the dog park/beach. I get all the other dogs chasing me, or I dig up dead fish and cause a ruckus with my pals, and all the humans are screeching and running around trying to get their dogs away from me. Or the mess I've found. Apparently, because I am rather small, everybody thinks I'm too weak or fragile to play with the other dogs. Stupid yuppy humans. I'll kill their yellow lab named Wrigley.

4. I love stuffed animal toys. Stuffed other objects - meh, ok - but I love me some teddy bears and stuffed pink Victoria Secret complimentary-with-mommy's-six-new-pairs-of-panties dogs. Upon being given a new stuffed animal I immediately rip out the eyes and nose, and commence with pulling every bit of stuffing I can get my little paws and jaws on out of it. Mommy loathes this, as she is the one who usually walks around behind me picking fluff up off the floor. If I can't have a stuffed animal, I prefer these crazy rubber chickens in bikinis that my Grandma Jan somewhow finds for me. The squeaking drives my humans bonkers, but I love it. While we're on the topic of toys, Mommy says I'm just like a real human child - the minute she picks all my toys up that are strewn throughout the house, and put them back in my little toybox, I come along right behind her and pull all of them back out again. Don't pick my toys up Mommy. It will save you a lot of time, and me a lot of digging and rooting around.

5. I have a lot of nicknames - including stinky, smee mcphee, killer, poopy, puparooni, baby doggy...my Mommy gets a real kick out of calling me everything but Gracie.

6. I am a gassy animal. I drive my humans nuts, and off the couch, when I snuggle down with them and let one rip. And, each night after I finish my dinner, I pay special homage to my Aunt Brooke by letting loose with a healthy burp. My Mommy and Daddy stop whatever they're doing each night and wait for it, then giggle like a couple of fifth graders. I think I almost made my Grandma Jan wet her pants the first time I did it in front of her, she was laughing so hard. I can't help it and really, I don't know any better. Gas hurts. From what I can tell, its a damn sight better than some of the other nasty things I've done. Sorry Mommy.

Mommy's blogfriend told her to tag other people to do this when she is done. So she said I should tag Mood Indigo, Monica, and WithLoveFatGirl - because those are the only other blogfriends she has who haven't done this yet. So go do it. And Colleen, talk to Mo about reaching my Mommy.

Ok, I'm tired now. I think I'll go curl up in my new flannel bed and take a nap. Bye.