(The scene opens on a crowded accordian bus pulling up to a stop in downtown Chicago. In a seat by the back door, one young woman in the inner seat prepares to get up. In the outer seat, another young woman sits with earphones on. The former is a somewhat larger woman than the latter, bundled up in a puffy winter coat with a cumbersome grey bag slung over her shoulder. The latter is dressed for Fall, not sub-zero Chicago winter, with spike heel boots and a purse that costs more than the entire rest of her outfit. We'll call them Polly and Trixie.)
Polly: Excuse me, this is my stop.
Trixie stares off into space, not hearing Polly.
Polly: (raising her voice) Um, hi? I need to get off here?
Trixie sighs and looks condescendingly over at Polly, before scooching her legs into the aisle without getting up out of her seat.
Polly: (furious) No. You are not butt-pivoting me. Get up and let me out.
Trixie looks at Polly, utterly scandalized that someone would tell her what to do.
Polly: That's rude, you know. Just get up and let someone out.
Trixie stares daggers at Polly as she waits to exit the back doors of the bus.
Polly: (mouthing the words) Dumb Whore
(Polly climbs off the bus, the steam issuing from her ears clearly visible in the early morning cold)
Curtain
_____________________________________________________________________
So yesterday my wrath runneth over on the CTA. I'm not proud of myself, but it did give me a brilliant idea - B.P.C.S.
B.P.C.S. stands for Butt-Pivoting Commuters Suck, the new organization that was born yesterday morning on the 146. The mission of B.P.C.S. will be a simple one - insult, harrass, possibly injure, and generally humiliate butt-pivoters at every opportunity, and promote education about common sense and just plain good manners - two things a lot of people in this city do not seem to possess in any quantity. I'm envisioning bus sit-ins, and sticker campaigns - perhaps even a letter to the CTA to let us campaign with their endorsement.
I suppose if I had any friends who were obnoxious hollering assholes, they might find it very funny how obnoxious and hollering and asshole I got with little miss Trixie, but really, I had enough. I don't know you, why in the Hell would you want me climbing all over you to get out of a bus seat? I'm not a blind rat and neither are you, so why behave like one?
Now, the last little epitaph I mouthed to her was completely uncalled for, and I realize that the entire scene made me look like CTA Crazy of the Day to everyone else within hearing - hollering - distance on that bus, but it was worth it if just one person thinks twice before butt-pivoting their neightbor.
Maybe that could be part of our proposal to the CTA for proper endorsement - "B.P.C.S. - Don't let it happen to you!"
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
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8 comments:
fuck yeah. this obnoxious hollering asshole appreciates fully the work you are doing to further the work against the butt pivot. colleen has also been notified.
Hear hear!
Maybe the CTA could make more of those cartoons about bad manners on busses and trains ( I think the character was Jack).
I'll wholeheartedly support your campaign.
Monica - you think I'm joking, but I am seriously considering developing a template for stickers that could be plastered on the backs of seats:
"Don't be a butt-pivoter! Expecting a complete stranger to climb over you to exit the bus makes EVERYBODY feel uncomfortable. Have some class and move your ass!"
IOP - I remember those ads. I envision ours could say -
See Jack.
See Jack sit in the outer seat.
See Jack butt-pivot his neighbor.
See Jack get beat.
:) Obviously I have way too much free time on my hands but...it's a serious matter.
You are brilliant. Did you see my Oct 4th post on this subject precisely?!? I just want to be as bold as your girl was - I usually just huff and puff and climb over and gripe to myself (and my blog) about the rudeness and complete selfishness of people. But, your idea is better. Consider me a co-founding member of your society. :)
your jack slogans are FANTASTIC. I used to steal Jack posters off of the train back in the day cuz i thought they were funny. now i will put them up. "see Jack get beat"? well that's inspired.
from this point forward i will make a point to yell at the butt-pivoters to further your campaign. long live b.p.c.s!
I too hate the butt pivot. I think you were completely in your rights
People we have a movement!
Hell, fewer people than this have started revolutions!
And Colleen, I have to give you total credit for the terms "butt-pivoter"; "butt-pivot" and all other derivations of the term. Your post was what inspired me to be proactive, because I know I am not alone!
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