2007: What I Did And Didn't Do

I really don't anticipate being back on here before the New Year begins, so I thought I would go ahead and write my sort-of annual year end summary this morning and be done with it and, figuratively, 2007.

To begin, I would like to pay my respects to Dr. Ray Seidelman one last time, for being one of the most incredible teachers I ever had. It pains me that I had to learn of his illness and death via a Sarah Lawrence fundraising appeal, and it's been hard to accept. I really wish I had had the chance to say goodbye.

Pay attention to the people in your lives who matter, and never forget them, or what they have done for you, be they friends, family, or mentors. You may never be given the opportunity to say goodbye. That is the lesson I learned this year.

My thoughts also go out to three of my dearest friends, John, Gail, and Jamie, who lost loved ones in 2007. This year wasn't the best one I've had, but each time I start thinking I'm so unfortunate I remember that others have been through worse than me this year. Friends, if you're reading this, I've been thinking about you and hope you are coping well.

As I look back over this year it seems that I keep reviewing it in the framework of "I did this...but I didn't do this". I don't know how constructive that has been for me. 2007 was not the typical odd year for me. Usually the odd years are the worst. They just...stink, for lack of a better phrase. 2007 didn't stink. It wasn't the stellar of an even year, by any stretch of the imagination, but really - maybe what I should come to expect in life? My mother and I have both always said the even years are better to us. The even years have always rocked my world, in one way or another. Dare I hope that 2008 is one of those years?

So what did I do? And what didn't I do? Well, let's break it down:

1. I did have surgery and repair my broken busted back. I didn't get back on the exercise horse, however, and now I am back to my overweight eatin-bad-store-bought-cherry-pie-for-breakfast-as-we-speak self. I really, really haven't liked much about myself in 2007. I started smoking again after surgery, I quit eating healthy, and I generally turned into a house hermit this year. There are butt imprints on our couch, from where we have sat and watched hours of sports. Which brings me to #2....

2. Despite all the undesirables mentioned in #1, I managed to build and maintain a really healthy and happy relationship with the most wonderful guy in the world this year. Heck, he must love me - he did move out here with me and all - even though it's been hard for me at times to love myself. He has been a rock this year, and without him I would not have made it to where I finally am. I owe him a lot, and I love him a lot, and I just hope he knows that.

3. I finally walked away. It took a long time, and an infuriating lunch date with one of my (supposed) mentors to make it happen, but I finally found the courage to quit trying to be who I thought everyone else wanted me to be, professionally. I am not built for picket lines, or loud obnoxious rallies, or other hokey social activist stunts - and I'm certainly not built for constant politician ass-kissing. Liberals can fling the poo at the conservatives all they want, but let me tell you something - they spend just as much time kissing political ass as their right-wing crazy counterparts. Granted, I'd rather kiss Dennis Kucinich's ass than Trent Lott's, but ass-kissing is ass-kissing is ass-kissing. Quit being so damn self righteous, my friends. In the grand scheme of things you aren't much better, and you're not doing much better, are you?

Damn, that felt good to say. Moving on to #4.

4. I finally came back. It took three years in Cleveland to really really understand that I am not okay with living in Ohio. There are some great things in Ohio - my family, my friends, I found my boyfriend and my puppy there - but there's also a lot of not-so-great things, and it was starting to depress me, seeing them every single day. A lot of those things that are wrong are wrong all over America, not just there, and certainly if you drive ten miles out of Chicago in any direction you can see some of them here in Illinois, too, like the cookie-cutter sameness. Hell, if you look at most womens' winter boot choices it even seeps in here, in the city, too.

Seriously. Does anyone NOT own a pair of those ugly ass UGG's with ridiculous pom-poms and faux fur? And does anyone know where a girl can find a pair of NORMAL winter boots that actually a) will keep my feet dry, b) will not cause me to have a disasterous accident and c) will not look so damned tacky? And don't tell me Zappos. I flipped through 26 pages of FUGLY before I finally gave up.

But it's nice to live in a city, and take public transit, and NOT have a Wal-Mart every two miles. I always wanted to come back here, and do it on my terms, and I finally did it. It probably would never have happened if I had not come to a very serious conclusion about those things mentioned in #3, but I did, and so I did. Make sense? And since I've been back here I have been able to find space and time...for myself, for my friends, for my family...and that has made me an all-around better adjusted person. When I started the new job they kept apologizing to me over and over about how long the whole process had taken, but I had to assure them that it happened the way I needed it to happen. I needed these past few months to come down from where I was, and to figure some things out. My reward for waiting was finding something pretty damn exciting and special. Good things are worth waiting for. That is a lesson I learned this year, too.

My friend John (another one) wrote a song a few years back, a very good little diddy he calls "The Ant Song", and some of the lyrics went "And so I look to the future, and not the world I leave behind." I'm very excited, moving forward into 2008. This year felt like a bridge, or a growth spurt, and for that I am very grateful, but it's time for what comes next.

Happy New Years, everyone. Be safe, have fun, and make it special. I'll see you in 2008!

Almost Over...

Everyone should get the time between Christmas and New Year's off. It's just a weird, weird time of year. Nobody should have to try to navigate their way to the express buses on Michigan Avenue during this week, when every suburban teenager within a 50 mile radius of Chicago is down there shopping. It's torture, really. I don't ever remember being that annoying as a teen.

Speaking of the new job, it is going really well. It's been keeping me busy and keeping me off the internets, so I aplogize for the delay in posting this week.

I hope you all had a nice Christmas. We ate our weight in cookies, ribs, and ham around here, and drank tequila. Quite the holiday, let me tell you. All in all it was very relaxing and definitely more desirable than spending eons in the car trying to drive to Ohio and back in just a few days.

Still, I'm ready for this year to end. I know I am not the only person who feels this way. I already feel as though the new year, with the new job and the new attitude, has already arrived, and this time is just filler. It just needs to be over.

In Lieu Of.....

Well, I failed once again.

Earlier this year, I went through the extensive trouble of collecting all of my friends' addresses. I was keeping a running toll of them on SHOCKINGLY HOT PINK cardstock. I go looking for it this week, and wouldn't you know it's gone? We can't open mailboxes, or pick up the crap lying around for weeks. on. end. but we can throw away my addresses.


Alas, dear friends of mine, there will be no Christmas cards this year. I am...devastated. Perhaps if I re-collect the information in time, you will have a New Years Eve card, but...well...let's be safe and plan for St. Pat's.

In lieu of a Christmas greeting from me and mine, I present the following photographic entry, entailing 2 days in the lives of two creatures, who have bonded forever during the copious amount of time they spent together in 2007. I like to call this piece - oh hell, who cares?

Here we are, pre-baking. Actually, somebody in this house other than me took this picture, but it captures her typical daytime mood perfectly and I couldn't help adding it.



And here's a shot of the preparation table. As you can see, we went a bit nuts in the baked goods aisle at the Jewel. But, to be fair, everything was on sale and I'm useless when confronted by buy one get one free.



And for our two perfect presents, one from Mommy and one from Friend:



Here's a lovely batch of wonky pinwheels. I'm thinking Jamie and I might be the only people on this planet who could appreciate these cookies both for their crazy Willy Wonka style appearance and their chocolate/raspberry taste. I could be wrong, though.



And now, for the requisite time-passers while the cookies bake bake bake away:



Always on, in our house, of course.


And some Christmas knitting to wile away those 15 minute bake times:



(Oooh, who could this be for?)



Voila! A sample of the finished product, which I later hauled over to our neighborhood bar. They were very excited about cookies. They are also men. Men love cookies. So do puppies.




I think this picture captures both my mood and her mood at the end of this 2-day process:



I think she was also pissed off because Grandma Jan's Christmas Christmas present was neither killable nor chewable - it was a new Cleveland Indians collar - but Grandma Judy came through later on in the day with two little stuffed animals that she promptly tore apart. I think my little dog has issues.







Merry Christmas, everyone. I hope your holidays are safe, fun, and special! I look forward to checking in with you again sometime next week with new job news, more sports rants, and a word or two from Gracie.

To Be Someone In A Short Short Life

Well, I quit my coffee shop job this morning. More on that in a second.

Last night, as I opened a week's worth of mail, since I'm the only person in this household who apparently knows how to open the mailbox, I came across a rather bulky envelope from my alma mater Sarah Lawrence. I tossed it to the side and kept thumbing through a variety of bills and Christmas cards for the three of us. Finally I picked it up and, rolling my eyes, opened it, figuring it was yet another appeal for my money.

Well, it was, but it was also the program from a memorial service the college recently held for one of my favorite professors at Sarah Lawrence - Dr. Raymond Seidelman - who passed away last month after a lengthy battle with cancer.

Ray, as he was known to those students who took his seminars and got thrown out of Wal-Marts with him, like me, was an exceptional teacher and one of my earliest adult mentors. He is definitely part of the reason I pursued the career path that I did for seven years after leaving college. His passion for social activism, and the rational way in which he could navigate the often seedy world of politics, inspired me. I had both of my internships in college at unions, thanks to his classes and his encouragement. He had my father in at one time to talk about working in the labor movement. After college he met up with me in Las Vegas when he was out there on a lecture tour, to spend a day on the job with me, getting thrown out of Wal-Marts and making house calls. He seemed thrilled that one of his students had chosen this path, and that he could be a part of making it happen. After that day in Las Vegas I emailed with him a few more times, and then we never communicated again. A few years ago, however, his daughter was attending Oberlin College in Ohio and contacted me while I was working in Cleveland, to inquire about an internship with us. Sadly, things were so insane at the time, and I wasn't in a position to do what I could to help her out, and she never came to work with me, and I will regret that for the rest of my life.

I sat and cried like a baby last night. People come into and exit our lives regularly, and it's sad to think that it's only when they're where we can't talk to them anymore that we realize what an impact they had on us. These last few months have been really tough, trying to figure out what it is I want to do, yes, but also leaving me questioning so much of what I thought I believed in this world. I felt a tremendous sense of guilt, last night, and a tremendous sense of weakness. I left my job, and working in what I was doing, because I was tired of getting up and fighting every day - oftentimes on behalf of people who thought I was the problem or didn't want my help, period. And so I walked away, and figuratively told those people to shove it. You don't want my help? Fine. I'm not sacrificing myself to fight for you anymore. But why was I so weak? Ray never got tired. It pains me to think what he would say to me, if I told him I had left the labor movement. I know deep down it's not the path for me, and that my reasons for leaving go beyond my reluctance to fight for people who do not want my help, and I have to make peace with that, but I just felt terrible for a moment. If nothing else, last night reminded me that life is too short to spend it doing anything you don't want to do.

And so this morning at 5:30 I got up, like I've been doing every weekday now for about a month, to go open the coffee shop. I was still pissed off from yesterday, and Monday, because this week in there has been real...trying on my patience - and those of you who know me well know that I do not possess much of that to begin with. I had to ask to be paid this week. They wouldn't even come in on Monday to write out my check. When they finally did write it out they ripped me off for three dollars because...ugh...you get the picture, I hope. I may not inherit much from my mother, but the one thing I did get was an absolute refusal to put up with bullshit over money. After all, life is too short.

And so I called them and pretty much told them to shove it up their ass. And then I went back to bed.

It was a real Peter-from-Office Space kind of moment, and very liberating, even if I was ashamed I had to resort to that kind of behavior to stick up for myself. Most of you who know me know that I can be kind of a pushover and a doormat, so this morning's move was a bold step forward for me. Besides, I want to be ready when I start my new job next week, and not full of resentment and stress, so now I have a few days before the holidays to get my head straight. If I am trying to change my path, and succeed in whatever it is I am doing next, I need to be focused on where I am going. I think I owe at least that much to myself, and the people in my life like Ray, who ultimately helped me get to the point where I could make these kinds of choices instead of being stuck working for chump change, which is the only choice a lot of people have.

Besides, I think you all might agree that if I have reached the point where I am seriously tempted to throw scalding hot milk in the face of a snotball Trixie, I probably have no business working there anymore. I'm just saying, is all.

Moving ON

I'm tired of being poor.

I'm tired of working and having to ask for my paycheck.

I'm tired of pouring coffee for condescending snotball Trixies who have migrated North from Lincoln Park. (Or have never been able to afford to live there in the first place) I may be wearing my boyfriend's Cavs shirt and a grubby pair of tennis shoes, and serving you an extra hot/extra shot latte, but I am definitely happier than you, if only because I am my own person and not just another cookie-cut mold of a personality type. I don't drive a Jetta, or have a sorority pin, or wear the standard-issue designer winterwear that so easily marks your ilk. I probably know more about your alma mater's football team than you ever did, and I've never highlighted my hair with blond streaks.

In fact, I guess rather than wanting to scald you with your extra hot milk, I should just pity you. It must be really hard, walking around with dung shoved under your nose all the time, and looking like a million other girls traipsing around this city.

I'm ready for a new life.

And Another Thing...

As far as picks go this week, here's the bare essentials you need to know:

In order for Cleveland to secure a playoff berth they need to win this weekend and both Tennessee and Denver need to lose. Denver lost last night, Tennessee is playing Kansas City, so that's probably not going to happen unless the Chiefs pull some magic out of their asses, and Cleveland faces Buffalo who may actually come out on top in this game. I'd love for Cleveland to win and both Denver and Tennessee to lose in these situations. Additionally, if Pittspuke loses this week to Jacksonville and Cleveland wins, they are tied for the best record in the AFC North, I believe, and if it would happen again next weekend Cleveland could feasibly win the division, I think. That would be great. But I could be wrong about all of that. I do know Jacksonville is also vying for an AFC wild card, so if they lose it might help the dawgs too. This is where math and stats come in to play, and we all know how good I am not at those. Moving on.

New England and New York Jets should be a great game to watch, as it may well be the BIG PAYBACK New England dishes out for the guys in green for outing them in the first week of the season for BEING A BUNCH OF CHEATERS! It would be great if the Jets pulled off some kind of miracle here, but I'm not holding my breath and neither should you.

Chicago's season is over, but Minnesota (who they play Monday night) actually has a shot at securing an NFC Wild Card. I mourn the Bears on behalf of my lovely Friends, but the purple barbarians are hot hot hot right now. Other than that game, I really don't care who wins or loses this weekend. I've expended all of my sports energy this week on baseball, either way.

Have a good one.

My Two Cents On Selig, Mitchell, And Their Silly Report

Yes I have an opinion on the Mitchell Report, which came out yesterday and outed over 80 former and current baseball players who used, allegedly bought, or otherwise distributed performance-enhancing drugs, and here it is:

Thank you Bud Selig. You have completely destroyed the game of baseball, in the hopes of clearing your own conscience and preserving your own legacy, and it's your head that folks should be calling for right now.

Bud Selig and Major League Baseball should have nipped the steroid era in the bud, back in the mid-90's when it was pretty probable that Mark McGwire and Jose Canseco and others were raging on the 'roids. But no they didn't, and why not? Because McGwire and Sosa and the chase for the single-season homerun record was making baseball money, and we all know what talks and what walks. Now, Selig's office and the lead investigator George Mitchell want to point fingers at the MLBPA, the union representing the players, and not so subtly hint that the delay in implementing a drug testing policy until the 2002 contract re-negotiation was their fault.

I'm sorry, but I'm not buying that for one second. As the Commissioner of baseball, and the person (supposedly) in charge of overseeing every operation in baseball, I believe it would have been well within Selig's discretion to address the steroid issue right then and there, and I'm sure it could have happened with the cooperation of the MLBPA. And, if it didn't, then perhaps Selig should have taken a page out of his NFL counterpart Roger Goodell's book and come down like a ton of bricks on everyone, and assume an authoritarian role, and right baseball's house. But Selig would never do that, and why not? Because the Commissioner of baseball is a stool pigeon for the club owners. They tell him jump, and he asks how high. There was no way in hell, in the midst of the outrageous record-breaking and homerun-hitting, that Selig was going to do anything that might jeopardize the revenue these owners were raking in.

So where does that leave us today? With a 3-ton, 400 page report in our hands singling out over 80 individual players who, according to some rather dodgy resources, allegedly either injected, purchased, or distributed steroids and/or HGH - human growth hormone. A report that was commissioned by the head offices of baseball, a report that points no fingers at team owners or high-ranking club officials for turning a blind eye, and a report that not-so-subtly wants to blame the steroid era on the one organization within Major League Baseball responsible for watching out for the players, by insisting that it was not within the collective bargaining agreement at the time and that, allegedly, there was nothing that could be done at the time.

It's amazing, how quickly and closely the ownership in any workplace wants to adhere to the union contract when their own asses are on the line.

But in this situation, allegedly doesn't matter. The reputations of these outed players are permanently damaged, regardless of whether or not they ever really did use steroids, because Bud Selig wanted the heat taken off of him for allowing the steroid era in baseball to happen, nay flourish, during his tenure as Commissioner. The sad fact is, I'm sure many of the players named probably did use drugs, but cheating in baseball is nothing new. It's often been said - If you ain't cheating, you ain't trying. Does that make it right? No, absolutely not. But it should never have taken until 2007 to realize that a policy and plan of action needed to be implemented in Major League Baseball which would adequately and fairly monitor and identify the use of these substances by players. We never should have reached a day where Barry Bonds is being indicted by a federal grand jury, or Roger Clemens is now facing the very real possibility of never being elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame, despite his 7 Cy Young Awards. If they in fact, at any time, were using steroids or other performance-enhancing drugs, then that should have been it. Goodbye Barry and Roger, your stats are null and void, and we are Pete Roseing you out of baseball.

But we do not have that proof, that piss proof, if you will. The report is mostly speculation and heresay. And you can't prove anything with either of those factors. Bud Selig commissioned the report, George Mitchell - a former U.S. Senator and former member of one team's brass (the Boston Red Sox) - led the investigation, and the entire report was compiled based on interviews with people other than those who were named within it's pages. What about that is right, or fair, or conclusive? December 13th 2007 will go down as one of the worst days in baseball history, if not the worst - a day when the integrity of the game we call a National Pastime was thrown under the bus to salvage one man's legacy.

But, it's often been said - If you let the fox guard the henhouse, don't be surprised when you're missing a few eggs. It seems to me that Major League Baseball has a lot to do to get their house in order, and if you ask me, the cleaning needs to start at the top.

Hump Day Humdrums

Howdy!

Did you see I only lost 3 games last weekend??? I rock!

I'm sitting with a puppy on my lap. She says hello.

So we're not leaving Chicago for Christmas. More on that later....

God to Rex: NOW Do You Get It?

Didn't win last night, did I? Of course that contest resembled a war zone more than it did a football game, what with everyone dropping like flies and knees sliding all up and down leg bones. Poor little Rex Grossman. It's as if God is really trying to tell him that football wasn't the path He chose for him. Broadcaster or Stockbroker maybe, but not NFL Quarterback.

And who do the Bears put in? Brian Griese. Uh...there's some dude named Kyle Orton on your team who is reportedly not totally putrid in the pocket, even if your offensive line does look like a Rockettes chorus line. Why not him? Lovie, sweetheart, I fear your days are numbered.

BUT! They finally played Devin Hester on offense!!! Did you see it?! Oh wait, of course you didn't because it was on NFL Network and if you don't live in Chicago it wasn't on national television and so maybe this whole post is TOTALLY confusing for most of you. Oh well. Here's a quick summary: Rex + Knee Injury = Carted off the field, Hester + Offense = More Completions and Yards, Redskins QB + Stomach-Turning Tackle = Even Worse Injury Than Rex....you get the picture now, right?

Maybe if the whole game hadn't been such a hot mess on both sides it would have been a totally different outcome. Ah well. Woulda shoulda coulda.

Anyway, on to the rest of the weekend in the NFL!

St Louis vs. Cincinatti: The Rams suck, the Bengals aren't much better, but they're playing at home. There's no danger of the Bengals catching the Browns, much less the Steelers, so we'll pick the River City Kitties.

Dallas vs. Detroit: The Lions have finally become their typical putrid selves, of course. Their Quarterback is on the Dallas Defensive Lines' shit list for some reason, and he's also an annoying born again Christian. And I love Tony Romo even if he has taste for shit in women. And who doesn't love T.O? Go Cowboys go!

Oakland vs. Green Bay: Hmmm...Favre was hurt in their showdown last Thursday vs. Dallas, which also was on the NFL Network so you probably didn't see it. He's coming back, this week, supposedly. I think Green Bay has a shot, being at Lambeau and used to playing in hellish Wisconsin weather and all, but I AM interested to see whether or not the Raiders utilize their Number One Draft Pick QB Jamarcus Russell this week. Still, there is that whole Bad Dad Karma thing, and Lord knows I don't need any of that right now....Green Bay.

Miami vs. Buffalo: Talk about the battle of who could care less. It's kind of funny - the 1972 Dolphins are the only team to ever go undefeated in regular season, and this year - when the Evil Empire is attempting to horn in on their glory - they are on track to go completely winless for the year. I don't really see that changing this week. Pass the pipe Ricky, I'm taking the Bills.

Tampa Bay vs. Houston: I know enough now to say with a fair amount of certainty that the Bucs are the better team here. So, I'll take em!

San Diego vs. Tennessee: The Titans are scrabbling to maintain a good position for the playoffs, while San Diego is sitting pretty comfortable atop the AFC West - even after a lousy start (Did you hear that Bears? SOME teams pulled it together!) I think I'll take San Diego here. They seem to be on a roll.

Carolina vs. Jacksonville: I take what I said earlier back. THIS is really the battle of who could care less. Jacksonville, if only because they are trying to stay on Indy's heels for the AFC South title.

New York Giants at Philly: Hmmm, take one part Eli Manning meltdown, stir in one Donovan McNabb injury and shake well. What do you get? One big messy game. Still, I like the Giants here. Don't ask me why. Maybe it's Jeremy Shockey. I like that name, don't you?

Arizona vs. Seattle: Ah, the battle for the NFC West. Let's take the Seahawks. I'm still salty Arizona beat Cleveland last week in a game that was BASICALLY HANDED TO THEM BY THE REFS!!!!!!! Moving On.

Minneapolis vs. San Francisco: All week they've been talking about how "hot" the Vikings are. In the name of restoring Natalie's faith, let's hope its true and not hype. Besides, the 49ers are terrible. Terrible!

Pittsburgh vs. New England: Oh man. Some PEON on the Steelers team started talking smack this week, and now this game is even more of a showdown than it already was. God knows this is the last team on the Pat's schedule that even has a snowman's chance in Hell of theoretically beating them this year, especially in light of the "close calls" of the past two weeks - which shows just how tired New England is getting - but nothing good can come of a shittalker who starts running his mouth "gauranteeing a win." Um, who are you? Shut up, play the game, and beat their ass. In the name of all that is good, and holy, and right in this world, make sure your team's collective ass can cash the check your solitary mouth just had to write. You have the best defense in the NFL. Prove it. Ram it so far down Brady and Belichick's throats its coming out their asses. If you don't, my plans to Nancy Kerrigan Tom Brady's ass might just have to apply to you...wait...what was your name again?

Cleveland vs. New York Jets: My God, if the Browns can't beat the Jets, then there's no point playing the rest of their schedule this year. We were amazed at 5 wins this year, but if they win this weekend, and make it a .500 season regardless of the rest of the year, my boyfriend might actually die of a stroke. If the Browns played in the NFC, we might actually be looking at a playoff run. As it stands, I don't think these dawgs can run with the big boys just yet. But watch out folks. Watch out.

Kansas City vs. Denver: The Broncos play terrible in KC, but really well at home. I'm optimistic they will hold the Chiefs off this week and keep their own playoff hopes alive.

Indianapolos vs. Baltimore: The Colts are pretty banged up and the Baltimore D actually kept it close against New England last week. If the D can find a way to contain Manning's arm, it just might be enough to make up for their atrocious lack of offense. Still, they do love the penalties. I've never seen a Defensive Line jump offsides so many times in one game in my life. I'm sticking with Indy this week. I might regret it, but there you are.

New Orleans vs. Atlanta: You know, this is probably the most boring Monday Night Football game that will be played this year. I think Michael Vick is getting sentenced that day though, so let's celebrate. Go Saints!

There you have it. Tune in next week and see how I did.

The Battle of Who Could Care Less

That would be me vs. the entire Washington Redskins team, concerning the outcome of tonight's primetime game against the Bears.

I can't imagine, after attending teammate Sean Taylor's funeral on Monday, that anyone playing for the Redskins could give two hoots about the game they have to play here in a few hours. I know if I was a football player, and one of my teammates was gunned down in a senseless foiled robbery attempt, my head wouldn't be in the game at all.

That being said, I don't really have much interest in tonight's game either. Rooting for the Bears, this season, has kind of been like dating a Gemini man - sometimes they wow you, and sometimes you wonder who in the Hell is sitting across from you. My man is a Libra, thank God, and nothing in the stars points to anyone performing any miracles for the Bears this week, besides Devin Hester, of course, but now that's to be expected and can hardly be considered miraculous in any sense of the word.

I'll take the Bears, because this week I think mediocre incompetence will trump straight grief. I'll be back tomorrow with the rest of this week's picks, I promise, and I do apologize for the hiatus. Things were just kind of crazy around here the last few weeks...

Ugh. Can this month just end, please?

I am so not ready for the holidays but I AM ready for 2007 to be over. After all, there are so many wonderful things to look forward to in 2008 - new job, new body, and maybe new other things too.

The coffee shop gig is getting old, guys. Nobody in that place tips consistently, the owners want me to work nonstop because they don't want to work at all, and they certainly do not respect my boundaries. I've realized, with this small job, that I am way, WAY, too easygoing and accomodating. The old saying is totally true - give people an inch, and they will take a mile. I was warned when I started, by the guy I replaced, that if I said yes once they would ask all the time, but I was just too nice to say no that first time. Consequently, they are now walking all over me. Since getting my new gig, I've tried to explain to them that I am trying to change my routine slowly, so that by next month when I start I am well-adjusted to working out, leaving my dog for periods of time, etc. etc., but they simply do not listen or don't care. It is astounding to me, sometimes, how self-centered most people walking around this planet are.

This particular habit is changing. I've had a whole six months of unemployment to really think about what I've been doing professionally since getting out of school six years ago, where I made mistakes, what I've learned, and where I want to go with this new job. This interim experience has been valuable, because it has helped me to realize that it is ok - sometimes even necessary - to say no. When you say yes all the time, you overcommit and get nothing done at all, and I know I've been guilty of that in the past. And then there's the whole boundaries issue. People only need to smell weakness once, and they will continue to push their boundaries with you, and pretty soon you end up being a doormat that nobody listens to or respects. Sometimes I am so eager to please, and win people over, that I compromise myself. That has never ended well for me. I have a new opportunity with my new position, and I am determined to correct some of these tendencies.

Besides, if I want to deal with someone who has absolutely no respect for me, and who refuses to listen to me, I can go home and spend some time with my spunky little dog. At least she's cute.